In the Midst of Adolescence: Recognizing Signs of Teen Stress and Struggle
As a therapist, I often meet parents who are understandably frustrated and concerned by their teenagers' behaviors. When our teens exhibit challenging behaviors, it can be so difficult to know how to respond. It's normal to feel a mix of emotions—frustration, fear, anger, worry, and sadness—and to feel like you're at a loss for what to do. There's no one-size-fits-all guidebook for navigating these challenges. The first step is noticing your teen’s shifts in behaviors, which is likely what has brought you to my page. You’re noticing, and it may be painful and frustrating. Despite how frustrating these behaviors can be, it's important to know that they might be a sign of deeper issues.
Adolescence is a whirlwind of change and growth, both physically and emotionally. Today's teens are not only navigating the traditional challenges of identity formation and exploration, peer pressure, academic stress, and hormonal changes, but they're also contending with the omnipresence of social media and the aftermath of the pandemic. Social media has become an integral part of their lives, shaping their perceptions of self-worth, influencing their relationships, and amplifying both positive and negative influences. The post-pandemic landscape adds another layer of complexity, as teens grapple with the aftermath of isolation, disrupted routines, developmental impacts, and uncertainties about the future. In this increasingly digital age, teens absorb a vast amount of information from social media, often leading to heightened stress, comparison, and feelings of inadequacy.
Identifying our emotions and articulating our experiences can often be challenging for all of us. This struggle can be very confusing and frustrating for both teens and parents alike. Teens may feel overwhelmed by their emotions and uncertain about how to express what they're going through.
Additionally, teens may choose to keep their struggles hidden from their parents. This could be due to feelings of shame or fear of disappointing or hurting their loved ones. They may believe that they should be able to handle their problems on their own or worry about burdening their parents with their issues.
Consequently, teens may act out their feelings in behaviors. These behaviors can range from moodiness and withdrawal to substance abuse or self-harm. It's important for parents to be aware of these signs and to approach their teens with empathy and understanding.
Here are some key signs to watch for:
Substance Use
Teens are naturally curious and may be intrigued by the idea of experimenting with substances. However, experimenting with drugs or alcohol can also be a way for teens to cope with stress or numb difficult emotions. Keep an eye out for changes in behavior, such as secrecy, irritability, changes in sleep, sudden mood swings, or a decline in academic performance.
Dropping Grades
A sudden decline in grades can be a red flag that your teen is struggling. While it's normal for grades to fluctuate, persistent low grades or a lack of interest in school may indicate that something more serious is going on. During stressful times, the brain prioritizes survival mechanisms over higher-order cognitive functions like learning and memory. Chronic stress can lead to ongoing activation of the stress response system, which can further impact cognitive function.
Disordered Eating
Changes in eating habits, such as skipping meals, overeating, or preoccupation with weight and body image, can be signs of disordered eating or eating disorders. These behaviors can be a way for teens to exert control in a life that feels chaotic or overwhelming. It can also be a way for teens to regulate their nervous systems.
Cutting or Self-Harm
Self-harm is often a coping mechanism for managing emotional pain. You might notice unexplained cuts, bruises, or a preference for wearing long sleeves or jeans in warm weather to conceal scars. If you observe these signs, I encourage you to approach them with gentleness, care, and compassion. Self-harm can function as a way to regulate the nervous system by releasing adrenaline and endorphins, which temporarily alleviate emotional pain.
Physical Symptoms
Stress can manifest in a variety of physical symptoms, which can include headaches, stomachaches, muscle tension, and fatigue. These symptoms may vary in intensity and duration but can be persistent and may not be easily explained by other medical conditions.
School Refusal
This can be a sign of stress or mental health issues in teens. This behavior is different from occasional reluctance to go to school and is characterized by persistent and severe avoidance of school. Teens may refuse to go to school due to anxiety, depression, bullying, academic pressure, or other stressors.
Changes in Sleeping Patterns
Teens may experience difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or may be sleeping more than usual. Changes in sleep patterns can be a sign of stress and can contribute to feelings of fatigue and irritability. Sleep is essential for the body and brain to repair themselves and consolidate memories. Teens (and individuals of any age) must get adequate sleep to support their overall well-being.
Isolation
While it's normal for teens to seek more independence, excessive isolation or withdrawal from friends and family can be a sign that something deeper is happening inside of them.
Messy Room or Disorganized Behavior
While a messy room is a very common teenage trait, extreme disorganization or a significant change in behavior can be a sign of underlying struggles. Sometimes a messy room can be a reflection of what is happening inside of them.
If you're a parent concerned about your teen's mental health, know that you're not alone in this journey. It's important to try and approach your teen with empathy and understanding, acknowledging that discussing emotions may be new or challenging for both of you. It's okay to feel frustrated and stumble in these conversations; we're all human and make mistakes, and we also say the wrong things. Conversations like these can be challenging. Acknowledge when this happens and try to start a dialogue about what they may be experiencing, encouraging them to express their feelings. Reassure them that seeking help is a sign of strength and that your love and support are unconditional. Remember, navigating these challenges together can make a world of difference. We are all wired for attachment, and we heal in our relationships. Our interconnectedness is why we are here today, relying on one another in various capacities. You don't have to face this alone.
As a therapist specializing in working with teens and young adults, I understand the challenges that parents face. If you're worried about your teen, please don't hesitate to reach out. Early intervention can make a big difference in their well-being, and I'm here to support you and your family through this journey.
